Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
