You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Randomize
