Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
Randomize
