i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize
