The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
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