carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
