Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
No I am not eating basil off your cock
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
Randomize
