Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
