We're facebook friends in real life
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
Randomize
