some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
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