There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
Randomize
