im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
Randomize
