I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
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