I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
Randomize
