Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
I deserve this hangover.
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
Randomize
