We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Randomize
