i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
Randomize
