Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
Randomize
