Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
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