About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
Randomize
