so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
Randomize
