He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
Randomize
