i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Randomize
