i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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