he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
