The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
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