I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
Randomize
