i'm lost and i look like a hooker
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
Randomize
