While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
Randomize
