My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
Randomize
