i would punch a child for taco bell
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
