How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
i just sent this text using only my big toe
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
