I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
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