I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
Randomize
