her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
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