just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
I have surprise drugs for everyone
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
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