he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
Slut skills are useful in every country.
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
Randomize
