Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
just found out that she named her cat after me.
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
Randomize
