My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
Randomize
