I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
Randomize
