My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
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