Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
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