stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
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