I wish you could order shots online.
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
Randomize
