Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house.
Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box.
I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift.
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
Randomize
