I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
Randomize
