Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
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