dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
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