Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
Randomize
