You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Randomize
