its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
Randomize
