The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
Randomize
