hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
