you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
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